Leave Me Alone—No, Don't

I long to see you so that I may impart to you

some spiritual gift to make you strong—

that is, that you and I may be

mutually encouraged by each other’s faith

—Romans 1:11–12

I enjoy being alone. Alone in the quiet. Alone with a book or a puzzle. Alone watching a movie with a bowl of buttered popcorn. But I recognize that there are some things I cannot do by myself, such as play backgammon or pickleball. And when the dishwasher acts up or a tree falls in the yard, it’s nice to have a husband who knows how to take care of those things.

God did not create us to live alone. Right after he created Adam, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God also directed Adam and Eve to "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). Why? Because he never intended for two humans to be enough. It was always about living in community.  

Communities can be loud. They can be confrontational. There will always be problems where there are differences of opinion. However, where there’s confusion and dissention, growth is possible—if we are willing to learn. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). We are stronger together than we are alone. I have found this to be especially true in both my writing community and my faith community.

For most of my life, I viewed writing as a lone activity and faith as a private affair. I wrote for myself, checked my own work, and asked for advice only when absolutely necessary. Likewise, faith was something I kept to myself. I attended mass on Sundays and rarely talked about God with anyone during the week, unless they asked. Needless to say, neither my writing nor my faith showed any signs of growth.

After Jesus, the apostle Paul is considered the greatest evangelist of the Christian faith. He wrote 13 of the letters in the New Testament that explain our Christian doctrine and theology and how we are to live as followers of Christ. Paul traveled over 10,000 miles to spread the gospel—but he didn’t travel alone. There was Barnabas and John Mark. Silas, Timothy, and Luke. There were also some lesser-known companions, such as Aristarchus, Gaius, and Epaphras. Their support kept him going.

One reason why Paul needed his companions at that time was because culture dictated that “Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses” (2 Corinthians 13:1). But it’s also important to note that difficult work becomes easier with a friend by your side, and Paul walked through some very trying times. “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). The impact Paul made on readers 2000 years ago is still moving hearts today.

I enrolled in my first Bible study at age 40. It wasn’t until then, when I had the opportunity to read and discuss Scripture with others on a similar journey, that I truly began to understand it. Instead of feeling inadequate, I felt encouraged by those who knew more than I did and strengthened by those who were seeking, like me. Together, these two camps nurtured a desire in my heart to know God better.

As I grew in faith, the studies I enrolled in became deeper and richer. Thankfully, I attended a church that offered a plethora of opportunities to learn and grow in faith. A turning point for me was when I was asked to join a new women’s Bible study that was forming around spiritual disciplines. I remember walking into the room where some of the mightiest prayer warriors at our church were assembled, and I thought to myself, How did I get invited into this circle? I am neither worthy nor qualified.

The pastor who formed the group later alleviated my concerns by telling me that she was raising up the next generation of leaders by handpicking members for the group. As she pointed out, Jesus chose his disciples based on qualities that would help advance the kingdom of God after he left, and as Christians, we should feel empowered to select people for our spiritual circles—people who encourage us in our faith walk, challenge us in our interpretation of Scripture, and come alongside us when we falter.

I took this wisdom into my writing life when I selected (read “handpicked”) a group of women to travel with me on the writing journey. We were all relative newbies, but during our time together, we prayed, encouraged one another, shared wisdom, published, grew our platforms, and found our footing as authors. My husband likes to joke that, as authors, we would be depressed and poor if we didn’t show up to endorse and buy each other’s books.

I don’t think that’s true, but what I do know to be true is this: I am a better writer because of my writing friends, and I am a better Christian because of my Christian friends. Anyone who thinks they’re better off doing life alone has not found the right people … yet.

Don’t walk away from church because you don’t like the pastor or you’re not enjoying the sermons. Find a church that feeds you, encourages you, and stands beside you when you falter. And if your friends aren’t supporting you on your Christian walk, it might be time to find some new ones who will.

Instead of trying to go it alone, find your people—people who will help you become the best version of yourself. “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:23–25). 

SHARING A SPOT-ON APPROPRIATE SONG:

Find Your People by Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors

Favorite lyric: “You can’t go it alone. Everybody needs help. You gotta find your people, then you’ll find yourself.”